How To Make An Emo Laugh How To Make An Emo Cry Alternative Ways To Kill Yourself Prepare Your Own Emo Funeral A Day In The Life Of An Emo

1. Mail him your dirty underwear and force him to sniff it, otherwise you’ll beat his crap in.
2. Learn to recite the entire lyrics of the ‘Welcome To The Black Parade’ album in one sitting. After you’ve finished this, smash yourself over the head with a glass vase and scream “We’re all doomed!”
3. Dress up as his late grandmother and make unintelligible sexual threats towards him. If he fails to make a sexual advance towards you, smash everything in his room up. Put his credit cards through the shredder. Take a dump in his Xbox. Cut up his beloved family photos.
4. Tell him that you’re really a transexual and that you still have all of your man bits left in tact. Since all Emo Men are gay, he’ll be utterly compelled by this revelation and will lust for your horn, like a mouse lusts for cheese.
5. Bite your own tongue off and throw it at him like a tiny parcel of mince meat.

Every Time You Masturbate God Kills An Emo Kid

The rumor was created by Satanist’s in order to try to promote masturbation amongst heavy metal fans. The idea was that Satanic metallers would dedicate even more time to jerking off, in exchange for God killing an Emo Kid at will.

If this was true there would be no Emo Kid’s left on the planet as masturbation is such a prevalent social ill in modern culture.

Think about it! Emo Bands like ‘My Chemical Romance’ have written entire albums dedicated to ‘waxing the carrot’. Why would they promote masturbation if they knew God would kill off their fanbase once their fans started abusing their bodies in this way? It makes no sense whatsoever.

Although God does not kill an Emo kid everytime you jack off, the whole seedy process makes Him irate. Instead of masturbating, try praising our Lord by preaching to Sinners in the street. You’ll be awarded a place in Heaven for your efforts!

emo girls kissing

Previously as a rule, Scene Girls had to be stick thin in order to be accepted into mainstream society. These days a lot has changed. Thinness is now considered to be a symptom of conformity is now frowned upon in Emo circles. Obesity is the new thin in scene! If you walk past any McDonalds or Burger King right now you’ll see hundreds of Emo Scene Girls in there wolfing down as much junk food down their necks as they possibly can.